William The Coroner’s Forensic Files

Sunday, 8, May, 2011

Mother’s Day

Filed under: Circle Game — williamthecoroner @ 10:35

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain

Sunday, 1, May, 2011

Merry May Folk

Filed under: Circle Game,Poetry — williamthecoroner @ 07:19

On a fresh May morning, I took my love to church
To see if Parson Pruneface was properly a-perched
The sermon scarcely started, someone began to snore
When like a sunlit sea wave
A green and crimson wave
A band of merry May folk came a-whooping through the door

Come up, come in with streamers
Come in with boughs of May
Come green and white and trip the lawn
Till night becomes the day
Jump up and dance the Tom-fool
Jump up and duck and leap
Jump up and wake the people that
The parson puts to sleep

They brandished nut-brown tabors, their garlands fell in showers
Came lads and lasses after them with feet like dancing flowers
Their queen had torn her green gown and bared a shoulder white
White as the May that crowned her
And all the minstrels round her
Tilted back their crimson hats and sang for sheer delight,

Come up, come in with streamers
Come in with boughs of May
Come green and white and trip the lawn
Till night becomes the day
The Earth is dressed in flowers
Bedecked as if to wed
Go on and kiss the lady-o
Before the moment’s fled

The dusky velvet hassocks were cloaked in fragrant dew
The font grew white with hawthorn, it frothed in every pew
The parson’s beard was frosted from the queen’s hawthorny kiss
When like a Morris saber
Tom Fool raised his tabor
Bounded to the pulpit and commenced to preaching this:

Come up, come in with streamers
Come in with boughs of May
Come green and white and trip the lawn
Till night becomes the day
We sing of life arisen
From the Lord who shed and died
Your God’s alive in greenwood
With the Lady by his side

At Easter dawned our Morris, ere Pentecost our May
The words we sing are different, but the tune’s not far away
So stand with us, join hand to hand
And raise a sacred call
We sing of life arisen
We sing of glory risen
We sing that love is risen again
And love is lord of all!

Come up, come in with streamers
come in with boughs of May
Come green and white and trip the lawn
Till night becomes the day
So dance with joy remembered
And sing of love’s reward
Raise up a cup of May wine
To the Lady and the Lord

Emerald Rose 1994-2004

Saturday, 16, April, 2011

I Dunno

Filed under: Circle Game,Forensics — williamthecoroner @ 15:25

There are many ways to dispose of human remains.  You can go full-frontal Egyptian and go for three coffins made of wood and gold (the perfect thing for mummy dearest) or you can have ashed put in ceramic container (if you think she’s earned that).  But the folks in the Channel Islands have printed, fiberboard coffins.  So, you can have anything you want of your coffin.  They are made of recycled materials, will burn, and are “green”.

Of course, they don’t do diddlly to keep your rotting flesh from the cold, cold, ground, but you can’t have everything, now can you?  I’m not sure I want to be put, even temporarily, in a box that has a leopard-skin print.  Or a box of chocolates.  Though, you gotta admit, the “Rest in Peas” one, is good for one last pun.

Tuesday, 12, April, 2011

Yuri Gagarin First Man in Space

Filed under: Circle Game,History,In Memoriam — williamthecoroner @ 15:31

On 12 April 1961, Yuri Gagarin blasted off the launch pad in Baikonur at 9:08 AM local time. His call-sign for the flight was “Cedar.” Sergei Korolev, the Program’s Chief Designer, would call from the ground, “‘Dawn’ calling ‘Cedar.’” Gagarin made his historic 108 minute flight (orbiting around the whole Earth once) and parachute landed near his Vostok 1 capsule in the plains of Russia. This flight made him the first human to orbit the Earth and an international hero. Yuri was only 27 years old..

The Cosmonaut program is rich with traditions that honor Yuri’s first flight. It is customary to visit the Gagarin Memorial before your mission, to sign the log book in Yuri’s unchanged office, and to urinate on the tire of the bus that brings you to the launch pad (mostly because Yuri had to himself right before his flight). We hope the world will celebrate 12 April together and create new traditions of space and unity.

From yurisnight.net

Monday, 11, April, 2011

Differently Clued

Filed under: Circle Game,Cleveland,Self mockery — williamthecoroner @ 17:05

So, Dr. Z  are you going to the reunion events in May?

Dr. Z  There’s a reunion in May?

Oh, yeah.  It HAS been 25 years, hasn’t it.  Makes me wonder if Facebook isn’t taking the steam out of the reunion industry, I can stalk my old flames, erm, cough, keep up with old friends, yeah, keep up with old friends, that’s it without much effort

Tuesday, 29, March, 2011


Filed under: Boomstick,Circle Game — williamthecoroner @ 12:12

The United States Army officially adopted the John Browning designed Colt Automatic Pistol on this day in 1911. It’s still in production, and is being used as a duty weapon for some units and some law enforcement agencies. Hard to beat a classic.

Hat tip, Misfit and JayG

Sunday, 20, March, 2011

Winter’s First Green Is Gold

Filed under: Circle Game,Food and Drink,Forensics — williamthecoroner @ 15:17

And now we’re within spitting distance of Spring. The first ice cream truck just came down my street, playing “It’s a Small World After All.” This beats the heck out of the ones last year, who kept playing “Turkey in the Straw” until I became homicidal. Anyone got a Barrett I could borrow?

Of course, as my Nana said, “Never take the winter sheets off the bed until June first, and don’t plant until after Memorial Day.” The weather will change. Probably it will change tomorrow. But that reminds me of a story…
A young fellow was trying to run away from the police, as the police wanted to lock him up, and he thought being locked up was no fun. I’m not sure what he was wanted for, no one ever told me, but he was driving a car, when the police stopped him and he hopped out and ran. He ran quick like a bunny, and he was near a dairy on the east side, so he ran into the dairy’s lot, and hid in an ice cream truck.

Not only did he hide in an ice cream truck, he climbed into the freezer compartment, and lay down on the blocks of dry ice, closing the door behind him. The police were unable to find him, but the driver did the next morning, when he went to stock his truck. He found that he would have to add a corpsesicle to the menu, or just call the cops. Which he did, and the decedent was taken to the coroner’s office. Dry ice, as you will recall, gives off CO2, and this guy had suffocated in the anoxic atmosphere. At least he wasn’t arrested.

Wednesday, 16, March, 2011

Habius Ovum

Filed under: Circle Game,Natural History — williamthecoroner @ 11:03

http://www.falconcam-cmnh.org/news.php At 5:38 on 16 March, the first egg was laid.

Tuesday, 15, March, 2011


Filed under: Circle Game,Cleveland,Natural History — williamthecoroner @ 09:25

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The Ides of March, when spring comes, the days grow longer, the flowers bloom, and those lovely harbingers of spring, the turkey buzzards, come back to Hinckley, Ohio.

Monday, 14, March, 2011


Filed under: Circle Game — williamthecoroner @ 09:14

Happy Pi day.

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