When time was, before medicine ate my life, I did some acting. That was enjoyable. Now, I know where my talents lie, and they don’t lie on the stage. I have a cousin who works on Broadway, and though I admire his talent, I could not live with the amount of uncertainty in his life. I would, however, like to be a consultant for projects that have forensic or pathology themes. There are plenty of agencies that help lawyers find consultants, but I know very few folks that help writers or producers find consultants. I have a web presence (obviously, you’re reading this,) but I don’t know of a serious forensic path person who has been consulted by creative types.*
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CSI MAKES ME SCREAM
10. You cant get DNA results in an hour. (Spoken normally, almost warily)
9. Hummer H2s are not likely to be used as a crime scene vehicle.
8. Unlike the CSI who was able to quit her strip job after getting her CSI position, its rumored that some criminalists still have to strip for extra money.
7. DNA data and Drug data do not come off the same instrument.
6. It can take 40 people 6 months to do the work one CSI does in an hour.
5. Despite the fact that CSI solves 100% of the cases, the crime rate in Las Vegas doesn’t drop.
4. We have bright, buzzing fluorescent lights instead of sexy blue lighting.
3. Proper crime scene attire is Tyvek gowns and latex gloves, not leather pants and high heels. [pity WZB]
2. Not enough underwear [ditto, WZB]
1. YOU CANT GET DNA RESULTS IN AN HOUR!!!!!!! (Pound on desk and speak
through clenched teeth for effect!)
M. Frank Shonberger
Using the Three to Mao theory, I do have a friend who has some connections to show runners in Hollywood. This friend is helpful enough. The industry is odd enough (and the connections are loose enough) [come to think of it, MY screws are loose enough] that I doubt anything would come of it. Also, actual knowledge of a subject might get in the way of the storytelling, no matter how dumb it gets. Perhaps writers and producers don’t know what they don’t know.
*Actually, only one.