William The Coroner’s Forensic Files

Thursday, 25, September, 2008

Mortician’s Hop

Filed under: Self mockery — williamthecoroner @ 22:31

I just got home from the Mortician’s hop. The annual clambake/raffle/dinner dance held by the Cleveland Society for Embalmers. I didn’t stay till the last dog was hung. Tinker and Noodle were fighting over and with a chipmunk, early this morning, and that makes for a long day.

Firstly, it is very difficult to get a date to the mortician’s ball. One tends to ask the girls and they break into hysterical laughter when you broach the subject. I asked one work colleague of mine, who was both quick to refuse and who gave me a wide berth thereafter. This year, I had the potential for delightful companionship, but the potential delightful companion was not in town, which made things difficult. I went with my friend, J.

As needed background for this story, J and I first worked together eighteen years ago in Poison Control Centre when she was my supervisor. She’s had a run of less than stellar luck lately, culminating in a couple of surgeries, one earlier this week. She deserved a change of scene.

We go, and the clam chowder is perfect. The clams are succulent and every one opens. The main course is well presented. The dinner companions are congenial. The door prizes looked interesting, but anything at all would be a disappointment after I won a headstone my first year. But I digress…

In the course of dinner, J’s neighbor leans over to her and asks, “So, how long have you and Dr. Zeus been married.” J choked. Now then, we’ve known each other since 1990, but we’re not married. In fact, J is a contemporary of my MOTHER. She’s just gone through a couple rounds of chemo, radiation, and surgery. I have to admit, for all of that, she does look pretty good.

I must look like terrible, though. I suppose I shouldn’t have turned in the headstone for cash.


  1. You don’t look terrible – J just looks great and make sure you tell her.

    Sorry I missed the bash. Such events are always fun.

    Comment by Brigid — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 06:14 | Reply

  2. Omg, thought I was going to die laughing reading this one. Just can’t figure out though, WHO in their right mind could turn down an invitation to an event such as this? 🙂

    Comment by Jeannene — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 09:42 | Reply

  3. Dr. Z, I would assume a distinguished gent like you would be married having no evidence to the contrary. And many younger men and older women spend time together now. It’s not unusual. So I don’t think you’ve established a prima facie case of Dr. Z looking “terrible”.

    I love good clam chowder. It is tough to find in Kansas. If someone older or younger and female invited me to a place where the superb chowder was served, I’d latch onto my favorite soup spoon and formal wear and steer the Dodge diesel her direction. If she was a happenin’ forensic pathologist or mortician, that would be all the better. She wouldn’t be squeamish doctoring horse wounds like most city women are.

    It is tough to find trustworthy company even if you’re blessed with good looks and charisma like me. 😉 I am going bald, however. Wander around in the sun without a Stetson too long and …

    Comment by Somerled — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 13:26 | Reply

  4. “Firstly, it is very difficult to get a date to the mortician’s ball. One tends to ask the girls and they break into hysterical laughter when you broach the subject.”

    Maybe you should have asked a Goth girl?

    Comment by BobG — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 13:36 | Reply

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