William The Coroner’s Forensic Files

Monday, 22, September, 2008

Call For Limericks

Filed under: Poetry — williamthecoroner @ 19:20

I was inspired by Sparrow’s haiku contest. She’s been running it for some time, and she’s taking a well-deserved break. But, recognizing a good idea when I see it, I’m running a William the Coroner LIMERICK contest.

Using this weeks theme, leave a limerick in the comments. The winner, the one deemed by me to be the best, will get a care package sent in his or her name to a serving service member in harm’s way; one listed on AnySoldier.com. This week’s theme, in honour of the equinox, is FALL
Of course, a limerick is a five line poem, with an A-A-B-B-A rhyme scheme. Most of the popular ones are dirty “There was a young man from Nantucket…(and so forth)” It’s harder to keep them clean, and those will get more points.

Knock yourselves out!  This post is open until the end of business FRIDAY 26 September 2008.  The announcement will go out on SUNDAY, 28 September, 2008.



  1. Leaves die in denial on the Maine shore
    as I feel your absence all that much more.
    Geese flying blind
    pulling autumn behind
    as I trail in their wake to your door.

    Comment by Brigid — Monday, 22, September, 2008 @ 19:34 | Reply

  2. You bastard! I wrote a HAIKU about autumn this week!

    I mean, anyone can start a limerick. It’s ending them that’s a pain.

    Comment by Heather — Monday, 22, September, 2008 @ 19:58 | Reply

  3. The calendar says that it’s fall,
    but that doesn’t affect the weather at all.
    Las Vegans will tell
    it’s still hotter than hell
    so let’s go hang at the mall!

    I’m so sorry, extremely lame attempt. I’m just better at haiku!

    Comment by Christina LMT — Monday, 22, September, 2008 @ 23:10 | Reply

  4. We need light, we need sleep for our strength,
    When we take ‘this fast life’ to the Nth.
    Is it no paradox
    That the old equinox
    Brings a calm when they’re equal in length?

    Comment by Doug Harris — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 05:50 | Reply

  5. You asked for it:

    They say it’s the autumnal equinox.
    The time’s right for sweaters and woolly socks.
    But my travel plan reaches
    To hot Rio beaches,
    Skimpy suits, sunburned noses and browned buttocks.

    Comment by salome5 — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 08:16 | Reply

  6. And another one. This one in recognition of the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland:

    A Swiss girl whose name was sweet Charity
    Encountered astrophysical verity
    In a black hole she sported
    And she came back distorted.
    Doctors said it was a singularity.

    Comment by salome5 — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 08:29 | Reply

  7. […] Now, we pause for the pursuit of high art. William the Coroner is looking for artistic types to submit limericks. […]

    Pingback by Now, we pause for the pursuit of high art. « Cranky Epistles — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 14:05 | Reply

  8. The time’s come for seasonal change,
    When the season turns windy and rains…
    And a flood of politics
    Gives me nervous tics
    As I wonder which blowhard will reign.

    [Written under the philosophy of, “vote your conscience, no matter what… because the only certainty is more boring speeches”]

    Comment by rj — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 14:09 | Reply

  9. There once was a girl from East Coast
    Who did not like to freeze nor to roast
    Having done both this week,
    She stomped out with a shriek,
    “When I find Mother Nature she’s TOAST!!”

    Comment by lookingforlissa — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 15:47 | Reply

  10. Fall gives professors fits.
    Back-to-school time is really the pits.
    Because all the lasses
    Return to their classes
    In clothes that don’t cover their bits.

    Comment by Angry Professor — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 19:16 | Reply

  11. Fleeing fall leaves in Nantucket.
    A man flew away to Phuket.
    Found him a wife
    For the rest of his life.
    Now Nantucket leaves don’t suck it.

    Comment by Ninth Stage — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 19:40 | Reply

  12. My favourite, with thanks to my dad:

    There once was a girl from Japan,
    Who’s poems just wouldn’t scan.
    When asked why this was,
    She said it’s because
    “I try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can!”

    Comment by Chris Rigby — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 20:21 | Reply

  13. You guys are all so GREAT! Now I’m more embarrassed than ever by my lousy effort. But I’m inspired, too!

    Comment by Christina LMT — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 20:43 | Reply

  14. Colored leaves on the north wind, fly.
    A well dressed scarecrow, catches my eye.
    Pumpkin spice,
    sure smells nice.
    It’s fall, say to summer, good-bye!

    Comment by Firefox — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 21:03 | Reply

  15. A bodacious young lady named Autumn
    Went through men just as fast as she caught’em.
    When asked if each breast
    Was all hers, like the rest
    She said “They are now, ’cause I bought’em.”

    Comment by vixen — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 21:31 | Reply

  16. Breathing the sweet soft air of Autumn
    Banishes thoughts of Winter’s bottom.
    But sure as the leaves sway
    This season’s last day
    Will flee the onrushing cold’s thralldom.

    Comment by Ninth Stage — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 21:35 | Reply

  17. There once was a hooker from Yale
    For prostitution, she was thrown in jail
    She said “I will change
    As soon as I arrange
    To pay for such a large bail!”

    Comment by TrekMedic251 — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 21:40 | Reply

  18. Oh, thank you for the inspiration. I’ve never written a limerick before, but I certainly enjoyed the kick in the synapses! You get two from me because I couldn’t decide which one to submit. 😀

    The fall leaves their colors are turning
    For long nights of winter I’m yearning
    Hint of rain in the air
    Bit of fog barely there
    In the fireplace logs slowly burning

    Fall sunlight slants lower each day
    Cool nights keep last heat waves at bay
    Geese flocking together
    Seek out warmer weather
    As fall breezes blow worn leaves away

    Comment by Miz Minka — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 21:44 | Reply

  19. You screamed at me with a football roar
    As you chewed out my Labrador
    “Her winter coat sheds!
    She slobbered my legs!”
    Then You pointed at the door.

    I shook my head sadly and listened some more
    “I’m DONE sharing space with that 4-legged whore!
    She Ate my new clogs!
    I Hate that damn dog!”
    Well, the dog and I miss you every morn’.


    Comment by medicmarch. — Tuesday, 23, September, 2008 @ 22:23 | Reply

  20. With leaves slowly starting their flutter
    And joining old friends in the gutter,
    “Did it ever get started,
    This summer departed?”
    This grumpy old man’s heard to mutter.

    Comment by Doug Harris — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 02:56 | Reply

  21. pretty colors abound this time of year.
    leaves falling there, leaves falling here.
    wish I could break,
    from dragging this rake.
    it must be time for a beer

    Comment by Dan O — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 06:11 | Reply

  22. The leaves turning golden and red
    Can be seen through my window from bed.
    A cuppa joe outside,
    A mid-morning bike ride,
    Crisp air keep the soul well-fed.

    Comment by The Captain — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 08:29 | Reply

  23. Fall leaves rain down upon my head.
    Such sadness, my heart heavy like lead.
    Though the world enters into slumber,
    I shall be unencumbered
    Because spring is straight ahead.

    Forgive the feeble attempt at poetry. It’s my first one in a loooonnnngggg time.


    Comment by Cicero — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 11:11 | Reply

  24. Some folks hunt rabbits with Beagles
    Buck Fever affects both rednecks and regals
    I’ll be campin and chillin
    A huntin and killin
    Too bad bestiality isn’t legal

    Comment by Ray — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 11:56 | Reply

  25. We wake now to chillier dawns
    And the air’s filled with migrant bird songs.
    It’s perfectly clear
    That autumn is here,
    ‘Tis proved by the leaves on our lawns.

    Comment by Guncrazy — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 14:18 | Reply

  26. Sam Adams’ Octoberfest Beer
    Marks my favorite time of the year.
    The weather is good
    For a walk in the woods,
    Unless you’re a turkey or deer.

    Comment by Guncrazy — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 14:53 | Reply

  27. “If it’s Autumn, why’s it so hot?”
    Asked a Texas-residing Scot.
    “The heat starts to wilt
    The pleat of me kilt,
    But if I remove it, I’m shot.”

    Comment by Matt G — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 17:04 | Reply

  28. Morning air so crisp and clean
    While daylight hours run to lean
    The leaves they fall
    and students do squall
    as they find the exams so mean.

    Comment by carteach0 — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 17:17 | Reply

  29. A young transplant to Albuquerque
    Found the seasons there to be quite quirky.
    “When I smell the green chile,
    Then the weather gets chilly,
    And the fall season makes me feel perky!”

    Comment by Harriet — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 19:12 | Reply

  30. ‘Tis the fall and the season for cuddling
    ‘Gainst the chilly winds I will be huddling
    Not with some Mr. Right
    But with doggies who bite
    So through autumn I’ll sadly be muddling.

    Comment by Sparrow — Wednesday, 24, September, 2008 @ 22:11 | Reply

  31. Such relief at summer’s departing!
    Take joy that autumn is starting!
    We’ll eat spicy stews,
    and drink hearty brews,
    And spend the winter months farting!

    Comment by El Capitan — Thursday, 25, September, 2008 @ 14:09 | Reply

  32. The Doctor said

    Please go to bed

    And sleep for a spell

    All because I fell

    And bumped my head!

    (I’m from England where the season fall is called autumn – so thought I’d right a limerick on the theme from an english point of view!)

    Comment by Chapati — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 07:57 | Reply

  33. By the way: are you familiar with this blog? Political commentary in limerick form. 🙂

    Comment by Miz Minka — Friday, 26, September, 2008 @ 22:12 | Reply

  34. […] Coroner will be sharing contest duties with me. He began by stepping into the gap last week with a Limerick Contest, and from now on we will alternate weeks. He is offering the same first prize that I am, namely, a […]

    Pingback by All Atwitter » Haiku To You — Tuesday, 30, September, 2008 @ 21:21 | Reply

  35. On the damp orchard ground lay a stick
    Who turned to say (in limerick)
    To the plums that lay there
    Who were quite unaware
    “We look just like two balls and a dick.”

    Comment by Tom — Friday, 21, November, 2008 @ 13:00 | Reply

  36. The temperature still is not falling
    Camis and shorts are what’s calling
    Autumn’s here, but the trick
    is that–what the frick-
    Texas weather’s a bitch; it’s stonewalling.

    Comment by Khieri — Wednesday, 30, September, 2009 @ 23:21 | Reply

  37. The most colourful season of all
    Is Autumn, or else known as fall.
    Its when red and brown meet
    Falling just at your feet
    From a tree oh so tall.

    Comment by Kat — Wednesday, 3, November, 2010 @ 03:14 | Reply

    • I made it up! Copyright!

      Comment by Kat — Wednesday, 3, November, 2010 @ 03:16

    • I couldn’t think of anything for the last line so yeah…

      Comment by Kat — Wednesday, 3, November, 2010 @ 03:17

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